I Need To Put Myself First

Hello my Fluffy Teddy Bears

I’m sorry if it makes you feel sad, it sucks, but I need to think about myself as well Fluffy.
Becoming a mom makes it feels like I`m not only fighting for myself anymore. I have some big responsibilites in this thing called life.

So what is this really about?

It came to the point where I had to put more ads into my videos. Not only in the beginning or at the end, but in the middle. The ad revenue went far down to almost nothing, so much down where it came to the point where I could not look at it as a proper job, a proper income.
Here is the thing, I really want my ASMR channel to be my job, and if that’s not possible it would only become a hobby where I would not be able to connect with you on a regular basis, maybe it would stop completely because I only have that much time on my hand. It came to the point where I thought to myself, «I will try to put more ads into my videos (one ad in the middle of my newest videos) and see if that helps, and if not I’m done making so much effort, putting up content regularly if I don’t get anything back. I will have to find something else to do, something where I can make a living for myself and my family. Something appropriate of course. It is a risk, but a risk worth taking because I have nothing more to loose. «

I could feel the resistance from some in my audience putting ads into my videos. I lost subscribers over it, some made comments about it, but as I said, the revenue went so far down that it did not matter to me anymore. I was on the verge of quitting. I was sick and tired of not earning a proper living from a pretty big channel that I’ve created for myself. A channel that I’m really proud of. A channel with many subscribers, many views where I should be able to earn a proper living. Seeing people turn their back on me because of this hurt my feelings really bad. It actually upset me. Like «so you only want to watch my videos if I’m the only one giving. Giving and giving and giving. » Yes. I must admit I got some really negative sad feelings and thoughts there for a second. But I managed to pick myself up, thinking positive by the help of mindfulness and self love. You see… I’m not perfect, I can get hurt as well and get destructive thoughts and emotions. It was not many that left my side, pretty few actually, but for some reason I made notice of it anyway and became really self aware of the situation.

So yes Fluffys. Im sorry I have to do this, but it has come to the point where I need to put adds in the middle of my videos. If you don’t like it you can get YouTube premium and then there will not be any ads there anymore. By this you will support me and those you have subscribed to as well.

If someone puts to many ads in their videos I will not watch the video because it gets to distracting, but I’m totally fine with some now and then throughout the video. I even watch adds now and then when I enjoy a video and have time to give my support, because I now for myself how important it is for the creator, and I prefer to not see the creator gone.

I totally understand that you don’t like ads, but I ask you to see where I’m coming from with all of this as well. I absolutely love creating ASMR for you. I want this to be my job, so then I have to make sure to make it my job as well. At least make the best effort that I can. This is what I’m doing now. Fighting for myself. Its called Self-Love. I`m fighting to be able to show up every week to give you relaxation and tingles, and what I ask of you is to understand.

If you don’t want to support me anymore because of the adds I respect it and I understand it, but it has to be like this, at least until I see that I’m able to remove the ads in the middle. Maybe when I get more views. When my channel gets bigger.

I have been here since December 2015. In the beginning I had no ads at all. Than I gradually gave myself the permission to make this my job and put some ads in the beginning and at the end of the videos. Three years went by, earning very little. I was ok with that, because it was something and I was managing. But then the revenue dropped really, and it became really demotivating seeing my channel growing, but my earnings dropping.

I always knew that in this game called YouTube you have to be patient, and you really have to enjoy what you’re doing to succeed, but I have also learned that there can be great potential that you don’t see, and its up to me to explore this potential and give myself permission to thrive.
I see that putting adds in the middle of my videos helps me. It really do. The revenue is slowly growing, and I hope it will continue to do so.

If I dont stand up for myself no one else will

This is me standing up for myself. Deserving something I must give to myself, and you should to. Remember to always stand up for yourself, because you are worth it!

If you want something you must give it to yourself. Remember that.

I really appreciate my job as a YouTuber. I really do! I want it to be my job, and so it will be.

I also want to mention that I’ve opened my Patreon account again. I will start to post exclusive 1 hour long, add free content to this page once every month when I have reached my community goal. Patrons will only be charged per creation, meaning once per month when I start to create. This is also my back up plan if for some reason YouTube does not work for me anymore, and if theres enough Fluffy`s that still want me to create ASMR content.

Okidoki Fluffy`s. Thank you so much for taking your time to read this. I appreciate you.

Have a wonderful day or night, take good care of yourself.